That’s immortali-TEA, my darlings

S01:E14 - Making ’Spence’ of it all

In this week’s episode, Season One Episode 14 ‘Careful What U Wish 4’, opens on that video of Alison which Lacey by now is tired of seeing. The girls are studying it with varying reactions ranging from questioning (Hanna) to downright devastated (Emily). Although they all seem to want to take it to the police, they can’t help but bicker.

Enter Ian in his first of many creepy appearances. Despite his face being RIGHT THERE on the laptop the whole time, he either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care about the incriminating video. Still the girls, and Lacey, are tense as they try in almost slapstick comedy style to hide it from them.

After the intro, it’s the girls setting up for a dance that initially sparked confusion amongst your hosts. Having read the episode description, Lacey knows it’s a danceathon but that’s as far as her understanding goes. Yasemin is perplexed by the idea of raising money for the trip, which Lacey notes most of the students – bar Aria, Emily, and now Hanna – seem to be quite rich. Why do they need to raise money at all?

Despite Hanna being head of decorating, she’s got her friends doing all of the grunt work. Lacey thinks the decorating budget could have gone towards funding the trip, but without the dance there’d be no plotline for this episode. Sean returns, much to your hosts’ excitement but Hanna’s disdain. She’s called away to deal with an abundance of Barack Obama’s while we learn Spencer has brought the laptop to school so they can drop it off with the police in the afternoon. “They cannot wait a second longer knowing Ian is out there,” Yasemin says.

Hanna is stuck with her excessive Barack Obama cut-outs but is more concerned with finding a job. She dodges Sean’s questions about the danceathon by asking if she can reprise her role of world’s worst dental assistant. Sean isn’t so sure, and he brushes her off further when Hanna lies to say it’s to save for a pair of expensive earrings.

Inside, Aria is greeted by her mum and former babysitter Simone in a scene that offers more questions then answers. Lacey asks why Aria appeared to have a babysitter at the grand old age of 15. Laughing, Yasemin adds: “She was an underdeveloped child.” Simone is here to talk to Ella’s English class – she teaches now, apparently – and Aria begs her to speak to Ezra’s. Ella ensures this happens, but riles Aria up when she insists Simone meet Ezra ‘after hours’ for a date.

The character roster continues to grow with the addition of Rosewood’s new bad boy, Caleb Rivers. “I always forget how early he comes in,” says Yasemin, while Lacey sings his name to the tune of Conga. He’s vital to ensuring Emily can talk to Maya because he’s in the business of upgrading phones. Though on-screen it comes across more like drug dealing. Hanna chases after him to seal the deal, only to be caught in an awkward confrontation with Lucas instead.

At lunch, Hanna’s job search is interrupted by her friends ready to go to the police. Spencer is as ready to say goodbye to the video as Lacey is but Hanna’s realisation that it’s still online leads the girls to discover it gone. Naturally, they suspect Ian Thomas. Their new frenemy A isn’t too keen to leave Hanna unemployed, offering her a job via text.

Saturday morning brings Aria to Ezra’s front door with coffee and the hope of some quality time, only for her to discover her beau is running “latte” to meet Simone. “Aria, get some self-respect and leave this man,” Lacey says. Aria’s ire is easily soothed by a kiss from the walking red flag before she’s left standing on the other side of his apartment while he counts to 50 to avoid suspicion.

Ezra isn’t the only loser in Rosewood to prefer the company of 16-year-olds, as Ian ditches dinner with his wife’s friends to bump and grind with her underage sister at the dance. Spencer asks after her laptop and Ian denies knowing of its whereabouts. As with all those the liars suspect of nefarious activities, Ian becomes increasingly more sinister and suspicious throughout the episode.

Lacey declares the danceathon her favourite part of the episode because of the fact from here on out most of the transitions are done through the medium of dance. “We get to see a lot of really horrible, awkward dancing and it’s great,” she says. “Every time I was giggling because they are just, it’s so bad.” Emily witnesses Ian place his briefcase in a locked drawer, where they suspect Spencer’s laptop is being held, and the girls conspire to retrieve it through a good ol’ fashion break in.

Failing to translate the faculty dinner menu without Ella, Byron stalks her to the danceathon and offers to lend a hand. “Oh my god, he’s such an ick,” says Yasemin, although she thanks him for finally helping her understand what the dance was about.

Caleb delivers the phone to Emily, who wastes no time calling Maya. He and Hanna are left to talk and your hosts point our their obvious chemistry. It turns out A’s job for Hanna includes breaking Lucas’ heart via dance, $200 for everyone. Unfortunately, Emily’s call with Maya isn’t as wonderful as she’d hoped. She admits to Spencer that Maya seems a bit checked out of the relationship and is clearly devastated.

Inside the dance, Lacey suspects Ezra and Simone have been doing more than just catching up in the cloakroom. “Totally flirting,” adds Yasemin. “He is smiling and enjoying this conversation.” So does Aria, apparently, who seems ready to murder them both on the spot as she steals Ian’s keys. Ella notices Aria’s obvious jealousy but whom she thinks she’s jealous of is a little misplaced.

Meanwhile, Yasemin points out that “Sean is witnessing homecoming 2.0.” Abandoned by Hanna for Lucas, he seethes on the sidelines while the odd couple goes on 5 dances. Lacey does the math on Hanna’s earnings, concluding she’s earned $1,000 so far. A text from A offering more money gives Hanna further incentive to tarnish her relationship. Eventually, Sean has enough and breaks up with her in a particularly sad scene. Hanna runs into the arms of Lucas who seems to think of the break-up as an opportunity.

Spencer’s attempt to break into Ian’s drawer fails. Caleb witnesses it all and, despite being offered money to keep it hush hush, leaves Spencer baffled when he walks away without cash in hand. She relays this to Aria, but her friend is seeing red. Willing to risk it all to slap Simone, Aria almost outs her relationship with Ezra before Spencer does something unexpected to save her.

Emily shines in this episode once she steals Hanna’s flask from the cloakroom. From comparing Hanna to Alison to off-the-cuff drunken lines, she cements herself as your hosts’ favourite liar. Ian, however, is not so thrilled when Emily confronts him on the dancefloor. Although Spencer tries to diffuse by pretending Emily’s ire is due to their brief fling, Ian threatens her to keep quiet. Yasemin praises Ryan Merriman for his ability to act so creepy, a feat faux Ian would never have pulled off. “I’m glad that they recasted,” she adds.

With the dance over, Hanna refuses to drive Emily home and Emily refuses to go home. Spencer asks them to stay with her, glad to have some company. Hanna is held back by Lucas who tries to shoot his shot but is saved by a drunken outburst from Emily. Meanwhile, your hosts are laughing at how petty Aria is being with Ezra. Only it all gets ruined when she caves at a half-assed confession of love.

Back at Spencer’s Hanna confides in Emily until she realises she’s asleep, when she goes downstairs and discovers Spencer’s laptop on the coffee table. Unfortunately, the video is gone but A has left another clue for the girls…

Finally, the A scene gives an insight into their identity. As A picks up their iconic black gloves and hoodie from Ella the cloakroom attendant after the dance, it’s clear she’s familiar with them and by her tone your hosts suspect a student. But who?

Quotes

 “They’re so bad at lying, considering this is called pretty little liars, it’s insane.” – Yasemin [05m12s-05m17s]

“[Sean’s] holding Barack Obama under his arm – cardboard cutout, not the real person” – Lacey 08m25s-08m44s]

“Everyone knows that Caleb just wants money. The easiest way to get rid of him is just to offer him some money.” – Yasemin [54m27s-54m33s]

“I can’t imagine Melissa being like: oh yeah, sure babe. Go chaperone my 16-year-old sister’s school danceathon. Me and the girls don’t need you. They’re all there with their husbands, but you can stay here.” – Lacey [31m21s-31m31s]

“And [Ezria’s] stupid, f***ing song starts playing again. That song is everywhere. I’m sick of it.” – Yasemin [01h12m01s-01h12m01s]

“She clings to him as she cries. Lucas thinks he’s finally got somewhere. This is it. He’s going to be the rebound to end all rebounds.” – Lacey [01h04m41s-1h04m52s]

 

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S1:E13 - Naughty Ol’ Pam

For anyone who is currently studying the Weimar Republic in History, this episode is for you! Lacey discloses a tip that helped her get a B, let us know if it helps! 

 

Both your hosts are feeling boozy in this episode and have come prepared. After her failed attempt, Lacey re-tries treating you to a segment of ASMR which thankfully is successful!

 

The episode opens with Spencer guest starring as Gollum, she is listening in on Melissa and Ian’s conversation but she quickly retreats back to her bedroom before she gets caught. A is branching out and sending emails now, which leads your hosts on a tangent discussing their current amount of emails, uni induction and trying to remember their student IDs.

 

Yasemin is labelled a man hater as she admits she automatically gets annoyed by every new male character, her current target being Ian Thomas. For two episodes in a row, Spencer is continuously interrupted by Ian and we notice she gets progressively more disturbed by his presence.

 

Byron is back and he is given praise for making his children breakfast, but immediately ruins it by having an inappropriate conversation with his children about Ella’s dating life. Is this man capable of having a normal parent-child conversation?

 

Noel is still smiling and being his creepy self to everyone in Rosewood, including our favourite Ezra Fitz. ‘No, no, no’ is how Lacey reacted to Ezra’s first scene, but then surprised us all by complimenting his booty.

 

We witness Hefty Hanna’s iconic scene with those piggy cupcakes, which leads to a traumatic flashback where we find out Ali’s top weight loss tip.

 

Pam is not quite accepting of her daughter’s sexuality and freaks out when she sees Emily and Maya playing footsies, but in Pam’s mind it was much much more. Pam finds a secret stash of something in Maya’s bag and uses it to ruin Emily’s newfound relationship. 

 

Mike reveals Noel told him about a rumour that the English teacher might be having an affair with a student, which leads to Aria very nearly breaking down. She then accompanies Ezra, who is having a breakdown, thinking his career and life is over after standing his ground with Noel. 

 

Melissa is acting a little too different to usual, which Spencer picks up on, yes she’s a newlywed but why is she so happy? Spencer finds an ovulation kit and of course, you guessed it, Ian walks in and interrupts them. 

 

Noel is caught by the principal for having three answer sheets to their midterms and Ezra and Aria’s inappropriate relationship is saved for another day, which also means the girls’ A theory is wrong.

 

Whilst the girls take advantage of no Ian and look through those boxes, Emily spends one final date with Maya before she is shipped off to True North. After only finding comic books, old newspapers and binoculars, an unexpected A text gives them another piece of the puzzle which confirms their theory of Ian potentially being involved in Ali’s disappearance.

 

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S01:E12 - His Royal A-ness, Noel Kahn of Creepy Smilesville

As we cross into the halfway point of season one, Yasemin reveals she’s sick. “Speaking of sick people,” Lacey begins the episode entitled ‘Salt Meets Wound’. “Hanna’s returned home from the hospital.”

Confined to a wheelchair, Hanna has to knock down half the contents of the upper kitchen cupboards for some pop tarts. Instead of a sweet treat, however, she is served with cold, hard cash inside a box of lasagne which culminates in a hard discussion between Ashley and Hanna.

Emily is having her own mummy issues as dinner with Maya at the Fields household looms over Pam’s head. Despite her dislike for Emily’s new “friend”, she’s determined to be a good host.

In town, Spencer’s too busy snogging Alex to care for her own mum. Still, she perks up at the mention of Melissa and Ian, who are on their honeymoon in Ohio. Mrs H shrugs it off, making sure Spencer never forgets she’s the reason they’re even a thing. “She will never get away from that,” says Yasemin.

Spencer spies Toby headed to city hall who, despite being bailed out of jail, isn’t getting away from the accusations against him either. But the biggest crime of all is his haircut, which neither of your hosts can get over. “Imagine if it’s just a wig,” Yasemin wonders when Lacey questions how much hairspray kept it in space.

Now that the girls know about Aria’s secret teacher fling, it’s all eyes on them during English class. Lacey reminisces on your hosts’ weekend, where she too got to learn a little more about Yasemin’s own teacher crush thanks to her high school friends. “If only he was my teacher, I think this would have been the exact dynamic we had in our classroom,” Yasemin says.

As usual, Aria is pissing your hosts off with her audacity. She reassures Ezra no one but Noel knows about them and switches seamlessly between promising Noel is going to keep his mouth shut and inviting herself over to Ezra’s apartment.

Naturally Noel uses his knowledge to try and blackmail the dirty teacher. “Poor Ezra,” says Yasemin but Lacey does not share the sentiment. She evilly cackles at Ezra’s misfortune, turning a latter conversation between Atia and Ezra into a BTEC Dickensian play and, despite her initial sympathy for Ezra, even Yasemin is over his dramatics.

At the highly anticipated Maya/Fields Family dinner, Pam Fields has turned her home into a 1950’s housewife’s dream complete with matching outfit. All seems well until Maya does the unthinkable. She turns down Pam’s food. Despite offering to suck up the hives it will bring her, Pam’s evening is ruined. The more Maya speaks, the more Pam despises her. Emily is blissfully unaware of this, lapping up Maya’s every word.

Meanwhile, Mona terrifies Hanna for a brief moment only to surprise her with a party consisting of her nearest and dearest… and Noel. Noel’s presence triggers a flashback for Hanna where we learn Alison once broke up his relationship in favour of Aria, only to gaslight her gang that they were all in on the deed. Hanna only has a brief moment to ponder if this inspired Noel’s A-ness, because she’s got bigger problems to tackle in the form of a very drunk Lucas who’s ready to pick a fight with Sean.

Spencer and Alex kiss, again, only to be interrupted by Noel Khan who, like anyone the girls suspect to be A, has become 10x creepier this episode. While Yasemin can’t get over Noel’s never-ending smile, Lacey can sympathise: “He’s probably so nervous because every time he’s walked in a room, everybody’s looked at him.” Lacey’s love for Noel only grows when he gaslights Aria into doubting Ezra. Yasemin is not so convinced and is quick to point out Lacey’s blossoming crush.

Before Emily joins the rest of the girls at Hanna’s party, she spies Toby desperately trying to rid himself of the Casio Watch strapped to his ankle. Lacey utilises her BTEC drama skills once more when she mocks Emily as she pleads with Toby to believe that she wasn’t the one to turn her in but he refuses to give her the satisfaction.

Aria tries to dip out of the party early and reunite with her geriatric boo only to catch some vitriol from the guest of honour. Instead of taking Hanna’s comments and self-reflecting, Aria throws a pity party for herself. Naturally neither of your hosts have much sympathy for her.

Things aren’t going too well for Spencer, either. Alex accuses her of signing him up to a Tennis Clinic he wanted no part of.  She swears it wasn’t her, but when Alex doesn’t believe her what’s can she do, bring up her theories about his royal A-ness?

She later cries about this to Aria who decided to stay after all – the faculty party had packed up, apparently – and for a brief moment, Aria and Lacey agree: #TeamNoelKhan. But Aria no longer cares who A is, only what she and her friends are going to do about them.

Lucas’ tantrum comes to a head and he’s almost pummelled to death by Sean before Hanna asks to see him outside, wheeling herself out the back. Lucas continues his tirade, insulting Hanna now before he alludes to doing something very, very bad to Alison. He confesses to breaking the memorial and although Hanna forgives him for it, he can’t handle her kindness.

Still stuck on his porch, Toby is forced to spend his evening with Jenna. When he relays Emily’s visit to her he expects shock, only to be the shocked one when Jenna reveals it was she who turned him in. Not able to see Toby’s horrified expression, she takes his silence for gratitude and tries to steal a kiss only to be cruelly denied.

Hanna is left cleaning up the aftermath of the party alone, or so she thinks until she’s scared by a shadow. The fear dissipates when Ashley enters only to rise once more when both mother and daughter remember the totally safe lasagna box money storage. Of course, it’s gone.

Also gone is any respect Pam ever had for her daughter, and vice versa. When Emily expresses gratitude to her mother for embracing her newly out status, Pam cuts through her with a scathing remark about it making her “sick to her stomach”.

The verdict is still out with regards to Ian at the Hastings household. While Mrs H seems keen, Mr H and Spencer are over him and all of his boxes that are strewn around their living room. Although Mr H confirms key evidence links Toby to Alison’s murder, Spencer isn’t relieved.

Her mind is still filled with thoughts of Ian, especially when amongst his things is a golf tag that brings Spencer back to the night Ali went missing. A flashback hints that Alison and Ian may have shared more than a conversation at the kissing rock that summer…

 

Quotes

“Mona’s not the most sympathetic. She’s the selfish friend, she cares about you, but she also doesn’t care about you. Social status is more important.” – Yasemin

“I’m not sure what [Pam’s] most disgusted by: the lesbianism of the girls playing footsies or the fact that Maya St. Jermaine took off her shoe to play footsies.” - Lacey

“This Karen energy coming off of Pam is just too much. I just can’t handle it.” – Yasemin

“Why is Noel Kahn being so creepy? Why do the people they always suspect as A suddenly get really creepy for the rest of the episodes?” - Lacey

“[Hanna] can’t do anything right. If she’s nice, then [Lucas] falls in love with her. If she’s not nice, she’s being accused of being Ali. She can’t win.” - Yasemin

“Hanna stole the bottle of tequila. Ali didn’t drug them. Hanna did! She’s been a thief since day one.” - Lacey

 

 

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S01:E11 - Forget Alison DiLaurentis, where’s Sean Ackard?

Everyone’s favourite word has returned in episode 11, yes you guessed it…’PEDO’. Much to Lacey’s dismay, Ezra is back to being a regular character and there is no sign of him disappearing again. We have a chaotic start to this episode as Lacey decides to treat us to a smooth session of ASMR but in fact, drastically fails and ends up covering her laptop in Diet Coke. 

The episode itself opens with Hanna being carted away in the ambulance and Aria spotting the only man who was invited to the party, Noel. But he wasn’t invited, so why is he there? 

The girls are all very emotional, waiting to be updated in the hospital waiting room. Spencer comes to the realisation that they should’ve been expecting this all along as it did start out with murder, a point Yasemin in particular is very passionate about, “I've said this the whole time, I don't understand why no one is talking about the fact that Alison was murdered.”

Whilst the girls contemplate talking to the police, your hosts have a debate over a mystery Tanner that Lacey is sure was mentioned but Yasemin is adamant she’s crazy and misheard, “who the hell is Tanner?” If you have the energy, please do settle it for us.

We experience a very rare sisterly moment between Spencer and Melissa, which divides your hosts. Yasemin finds it very endearing and sweet, but Lacey thinks it’s hilarious and gives us her own rendition of the scene and it is not the only one. 

It’s been awhile since your hosts consumed alcohol, but Lacey introduces a new drinking game where you drink every time you see cat scrubs, a common issue in this show that irks Yasemin as she can’t understand why nurses and doctors are wearing scrubs with cats on them again!

More importantly, Hanna is alive and recovering in the hospital. Ashley is there to greet her, but there is no sign of Sean, only of the orchid he bought her. Hanna is more concerned about calling her friends anyway so she can spill all the tea on what she saw at Camp Mona. 

Lacey is as enthusiastic as ever for every Ezria scene, so excited that she has to pass it over to Yasemin, “Eurgh I hate him, I can’t even, you’re going to have to do this scene.” Aria spends the entire episode being our delulu queen trying to come up with an excuse for literally everything. 

As the girls are settling back into their day to day life, the Field’s household is rather frosty. But Lacey was paying attention to other things and she surprises Yasemin with 5, yes 5 different questions about the state of their dining room. They are all very detailed and have absolutely nothing to do with the plot, have you ever wondered why their dining chairs are so big?

The girls reunite with Hanna at the hospital where she is finally able to tell all and Aria’s secret relationship is revealed. Noel is now A and the girls find out about Mr Fitz, sorry Ezra Fitz. Noel makes an appearance at the hospital and Aria tries to catch him out.

Lucas visits Hanna in the middle of the night to secretly kiss her forehead, but it isn’t a secret as Hanna confronts him about it the next day. Your hosts go from loving Lucas to strongly disliking him as we start to see the more obsessive side of Lucas which is an immediate red flag. Also, what the hell is his problem with Sean?  

Noel and Aria have another encounter where she calls him out for being in the crowd at Mona’s party. Noel comes clean and it’s another scene that Lacey absolutely loved and felt like our listeners deserved another rendition, as I said one of many.

We get the infamous scene of Alison visiting Hanna in the hospital in her candy stripe nurses outfit, Lacey is all over this scene making almost an orgasmic noise. Is Alison a hallucination? Is she real life? Either way Ali gives Hanna advice on how to solve their A dilemma and we find out that she does in fact care about Hefty Hanna. 

We obviously can’t have an episode without singing and in this episode Taylor Swift’s, You Belong With Me makes an appearance to open up Emily’s coming out scene to her dad. Which is very soon destroyed by the full wrath of Pam Fields, your hosts however take a different approach and act out the scene with full passion.

Spencer's conversation is interrupted by Ian twice and in the latter she is invited to join a celebration, but our clever Spencer knows something is up. Que Melissa’s entrance in a big white dress and everyone immediately knows what has happened. Bye Wren Kingston and hello Ian Thomas. 

The final scene involves our sole A message which is displayed in a brand new way and it sends everyone into immediate mass panic.  

 

 

QUOTES

 

“...and I’m thinking ‘what, going 10mph in the car park is what’s going to kill her?’” - Lacey

 

“Well Em even says ‘do you think they were trying to scare us?’ And I’m like what has been happening for the last 10 episodes? Was it just funny? God these girls are dumb.” - Yasemin

 

“Screw your friend, I know it’s been a really horrible night but, my man’s shirtless in the barn.” - Lacey

 

“I just can’t deal with her, she’s just so annoying this episode.” - Yasemin

 

“People of Rosewood are Kings and Queens of sweeping big things under the rug. Kid got murdered? Pfft, who cares, here’s a basket.” - Lacey

 

“Hanna’s the one who crashed his car, tried to sh*g him when he said he didn’t want to, left him at homecoming and was basically stalking his friend from the virgin club.” - Yasemin

 

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S01:E10 A car’s revenge: The Musical

You know in every show there’s that randomly inserted musical episode that you probably usually skip? Yeah, this is that episode. “It’s episode 10, double digits,” Lacey sings offkey to welcome you to the recap of the season one episode entitled “Keep your friends close”, as sung helpfully by Yasemin. “Just thought I’d carry it on,” she adds. No, really, this is a running joke throughout this episode. Protect your eardrums.

Ian makes his official introduction to the series as the girls’ new field coach, and we learn through Spencer that he broke Melissa’s heart back in the day. “She doesn’t have a good track record with men, at all,” Lacey observes as Yasemin makes a jab at Spencer: “I think someone gets in the way of these relationships.”

Although Melissa’s failed relationships are a running theme of this episode, it’s Camp Mona that really takes the cake. All of the girls are invited, much to their disdain, and only Hanna is up for it until A reveals it’ll be a scavenger hunt to find their identity. But Camp Mona and the hunt will have to wait because school comes first according to an eavesdropping Ashley, who still gives Hanna a singular $100 note. But visit to the principal’s office dampers Hanna’s plans and a text from A to Mona claiming Hanna used liposuction to lose weight gets her uninvited from Camp Mona entirely.

Poor Ashley probably could have used the extra dosh, however, as she spends most of this episode fighting with a robot telephone operator to try and rejig her mortgage. Adding salt in the wound is Mrs Potter, who visits her safety deposit box once a year “like clockwork” and unwisely brags to Ashley that she’s the last of her kind. When she goes, so does the fistfuls of money she’s dumping onto Ashley’s desk. When Mrs Potter takes all the butterscotch but forgets her key, Ashley decides to pocket it alongside all of Mrs Potter’s cash.

At the Hastings House Melissa seems pleased by Ian’s return, although Spencer still has to grovel for ruining her previous engagement. Yasemin is confused why Melissa still blames Spencer, but Lacey points out the Hastings girls have likely been put up against each other since toddlerhood. “Spencer learned to walk, and Melissa had to learn a bike,” Lacey says, correcting herself. “I don’t think you’d make it in the Hastings household,” Yasemin quips. Lacey agrees, fancying herself more of a Marin girl. Anything but a Montgomery.

Aria is at least still giving a boy her age a try, but Ezra Fitz and A are determined to ruin it. Aria and Noel talk outside Aria’s locker which she opens and a book falls out, adorned with a note from A. Unaware, Noel does as the note tells him and opens to page 22 which features the world’s worst poem by Ezra Fitz. Lacey is more than happy to give a dramatic reading. “What’s your favourite line? I think mine is ‘Gold Falafel, as though ice’,” she adds.

Throughout the episode more clues are given about Alison’s killer, and almost all of them point toward Toby Cavanagh. The girls are shown the ‘”I know you wanna kiss me” video by the FBI, and Hanna is most out of sorts over the green sweater she is wearing. It’s revealed via news bulletin later that this sweater belonged to Toby, leading the girls to believe he was Alison’s older boy much to Aria’s disbelief.

The liars digest the Toby of it all in their own way and Emily, in a heart-to-heart with the freshly returned Daddy Fields, almost comes out to her family only to chicken out. However, A has taken the moment from her when it comes to Good Ol’ Pam who, while eavesdropping on the daddy-daughter conversation, reveals she has been sent the photobooth pictures. While Yasemin debates whether Pam is truly homophobic, Lacey says it like it is: “I mean the homophobia is right across that face.”

Finally, the liars make it to Camp Mona and the drama begins. As Emily pulls into the campground, Toby pops up from her backseat with a new haircut that is equally as hated as Ezra’s old one by your hosts. “It’s giving lego head,” says Lacey, while Yasemin compares it to a six-year-old girl’s home haircut as given by her mum. He clears things up about that night but Emily is dubious to believe him, dishing the gossip to her friends back at Camp.

In a series of cuts that give your hosts whiplash several things are revealed. Spencer cracks A’s scavenger hunt, dragging Emily to the “Wright” place and discovering via a tree carving the true identify of Alison’s older boy. Hanna makes her own discovery through her binoculars, spying Aria getting into Ezra’s car. But she’s not the only one to have seen them, as someone leaves an ‘A’ message on the rearview window.

Confident she knows who A is, Hanna summons her friends to the parking lot only to be run over by a car. Far from being concerned, your hosts can hardly keep in their laughter. “I’m curious, what part of this do you find funny?” Yasemin asks as Lacey giggles behind her build-up of the scene. “Everything,” Lacey breathes out. A tells the girls via text that Hanna knew too much, leaving the episode on a cliffhanger.

But perhaps the juiciest reveal comes in the A scene, where an extended cut of the iconic video confirms what Spencer and Emily have begun to suspect: Ian was Alison’s older boy and, more worryingly, he was with her that night.

Quotes

“That’s not even the worst bit though, [Ian] like touching, ugh – whilst he’s doing that, he then decides to kiss her neck and at this point, I nearly crawled into a ball and cried.” – Yasemin

“I think I belong in the Marin household. Just, so dumb with multiple wines.” - Lacey

“I have a few questions here. Firstly, how did [Toby] get in the car? Secondly, when did he get in the car and how long has he been in the car?” – Yasemin

“Aria – Miss I just threw a tantrum because my teacher boyfriend wrote a poem about me – is judging.” - Lacey

“[Emily] should have put gloves on, that’s what Pam would have done, and got tweezers, but she had to work with what she had.” - Yasemin

“[Toby’s] a nice boy, when he’s not wanted for murder and stalking people in cars.” – Lacey

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S01:E09 - Wilden gets smacked down by feminism

The ninth episode of Pretty Little Liars Season One is entitled The Perfect Storm but as Yasemin points out it’s “the perfect storm that never ends… and that we never see”. Lacey concedes that it’s dark, at least, and both hosts admit the lighting choices made them both question the time of day throughout the show.

This episode centres around the SATS, beginning with a study sesh in the Hastings house with Spencer, Hanna, and Aria. While Troian studies her lines – er, Spencer studies her cue cards, Hanna is relentlessly bugging Aria about her non-existent relationship with Noel Kahn which reminds your hosts of their own study sessions in university. To no one’s surprise they were just as on track as this one.

But where is Emily, you may ask? Well, she’s in her room and it’s dark, and she’s dirty – except her fingernails, of course. Could Emily and those perfectly manicured hands have something to do with the smashing of Ali’s memorial? Wilden seems to think so. He corners her at school as the titular storm rages on and an interesting camera pan draws attention to Emily’s less-than-pristine shoes. “Who the hell wears white trainers in a storm?” Yasemin asks.

Emily is a little on edge throughout the episode, snapping at her friends and sneaking off into the library’s Charles Dickens aisle to reminisce on what could have been with Alison. For a moment your hosts question her sanity when she spies the deceased blonde through the aisles, but as Lacey explains: “The lightning goes, and Ali’s gone – but she’s in a flashback!” Here we get a glimpse on Alison and Emily’s relationship before the former rudely went missing: sweet, innocent and perhaps not so one-sided as first thought.

Alison isn’t the only guest cameo as we’re treated to Mrs Hastings and everyone’s favourite proctor, Ella Montgomery. Your hosts aren’t sure what that means, exactly. “I’m assuming like a – what’s the word we use?” Yasemin asks Lacey, who struggles with the word invigilator. More confusing is Ella’s economic situation – who cuts the hours of the employee that lives above your business?

Unfortunately, “little Byron” is also in the episode and his presence at the Marin McMansion gives Lacey a chance to have yet another dig at the “Montgomery Shack”. Byron and Ashley’s joint scenes this episode leave your hosts wondering if the writers were trying to expand upon their relationship in a romantic way.

Byron isn’t doing much to sell himself, whining away to Ashley who despite being unable to afford artisan cheese always has room in the cupboard for a bottle of chardonnay which she pours freely for her companion. “Stop talking,” Yasemin interprets while she and Lacey relentlessly mock Byron’s sad little life. Ashley doesn’t seem to mind, offering to act as menu translator for the man child at his next faculty dinner. But, like most men, Byron takes it a step too far and invites her. While she seems inclined to agree at first, by the end of the episode both characters agree it’s not for the best.

Mrs Hastings’ is also put in an awkward situation when she’s introduced to Spencer’s beau, Alex, who it seems she’s met before and doesn’t appear to like. Yasemin puts herself in Spencer’s shoes when analysing the interaction, asking whether you’d wonder if she was having an affair with Alex or if you’d just think something went down at the club of the country variety.

With all these extra characters you’d be forgiven if you missed the absence of other notable students, such as Sean and Maya, but Yasemin is quick to point it out. Your hosts wistfully ask after the characters that matter: Ben and Jenna’s guide dog. “I miss Ben,” Lacey sighs. “Remember when Ben was in the show?”

Frustratingly there’s one character that couldn’t have the decency to piss off like he does in the books: Ezra Fitz. Lacey is jumpscared by his picture on the librarian’s desk: “Ezra couldn’t leave me alone for more than two episodes,” Lacey wails, affectionally referring to him as “the human ick”. Ezra’s presence is not just limited to his portrait, appearing only to break up a duet between Aria and Noel Kahn which is the only thing Yasemin thanks him for this episode.

“I got goosebumps,” Yasemin recalls at Ezra’s entrance. “Not in a good way,” she quickly defends to an aghast Lacey. While Lacey thinks he looks like a priest, Yasemin confesses he’s the spitting image of a certain crush she once had. Ooh la la.

Of course, the star of the show is Detective Wilden. His shining moment is when he discovers Emily’s “ugly cream bag” and calls her in to question its contents only to out her in front of her friends. “He’s drooling because he can’t wait to ruin these girls’ day,” Yasemin. Even Wilden buys into Emily’s good girl act, seeing all the evidence that implies she ruined the memorial before him and thinking only one thing: Toby put her up to this.

In the most chaotic half of the podcast, Wilden’s deranged detective skills leave Lacey breathless as Yasemin tries to keep the podcast on track despite her incessant giggles. “He’s just into the drama,” says Lacey. Let’s hope you love bad accents and terrible impersonations because your hosts are full of them this episode. The girls rally behind Emily which only serves to make Wilden angrier but who crumbles when a real adult comes into the room. Mrs H rocks up in true Hastings style, much to Yasemin’s chagrin: “Hair perfect, not wet at all,” she notes and quite literally ends Wilden’s career.

The SATs get cancelled and with Wilden gone, the episode wraps up some loose ends: Mrs Hastings had a medical scare and got blind drunk in front of Alex, swearing him to secrecy, but concedes to Spencer in a rare heartwarming moment that he’s all right. Aria snubs Ezra for Noel Kahn, Emily puts her beef with Alison behind her and Hanna cements with Lucas that they’re just friends. Though another shot of Lucas’ own muddy white trainers might put that friendship into question.

To your hosts’ joy, the episode reveals a clip of Alison that any hardcore Pretty Little Liars fan will be intimately familiar with. “We’re so lame,” says Yasemin as she and Lacey admit to fangirling at the iconic “I know you wanna kiss me” snippet which A is sending via post to the police department. Unfortunately for Wilden, he won’t be around to see it.

Quotes

“They dress up for studying. I think, if it was me, I’d be really comfy, like oversized t-shirt, ugly pyjama bottoms – probably Disney themed pyjamas – but they looked chic.” – Yasemin

“I Go Shark’ed too close to the moon, my arm just clicked so loudly.” - Lacey

“Does no one eat food in Rosewood? What is the deal with this? Hanna has one piece of pasta and Mrs H can’t have garlic bread because god forbid.” – Yasemin

“If I were [the liars], having already previously received an A message that is like kill Toby LOL, I would not be calmly sitting, watching, for my SATs I would be scouring the library because my friend might be dead. My second friend to die in a year!” - Lacey

“Whenever they mention the haircut, it just makes me laugh so much, because then I’m reminded at the fact that this is like a mid-20 year old man confessing that he got a haircut for a 16-year-old girl.” – Yasemin

“Ashley has no bread. She has no jelly. She has no groceries, but you bet that b*tch has wine.” – Lacey

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S01:E08 - Who The F*** is Tom Sawyer?

Caught up in their success of securing the highly sought after tickets for the UK leg of Taylor Swift’s Eras tour, your hosts begin this episode in a fluster as they struggle with its’ title. The eighth episode of season one is officially known as ‘Please Do Talk About Me When I’m Gone’ - but if you ask Yasemin, it’s please don’t talk about me when I’m gone and in Lacey’s case - she’s abandoned the English language all together, switching up her b’s and d’s like a primary school child learning to write. “Adoot,” she giggles at her notes before your hosts get themselves together enough to do their jobs and recap the show.

“To me, this is Pretty Little Liars – this is the episode I know, back to front, all of it,” declares Lacey but as the podcast goes on, her knowledge is put to the test. She even tries to add another rule to the drinking game: drink at every mention of p*dos? “We’d be druuunk,” laughs Yasemin, axing that rule as she’s finally ditched the soda and gone “super basic white girl” with her Black Cherry White Claw.

The episode opens with a giant box carrying a statue commissioned by Ella’s “friend” from the gallery, prompting Emily to ask after her well-being like the polite girl Pam raised her to be. It’s revealed Ella has moved above the gallery, but Aria insists that it’s just “for now”. While Aria thinks the statue is a good representation of Ali, Yasemin believes something more devilish suits her aura.

In a rare moment of reminiscing, Spencer says the quote that inspired this podcast’s name: “That’s immortality, my darlings.” Of course, it originated with Alison whom we see in a flashback set at the lake, originally thought to be a beach by Lacey. As she and Yasemin ponder over America’s obsession with lake vacations, Lacey adds: “We all know one lake,” in reference to her favourite novel/film, After.

This flashback returns time and time again throughout the episode and in each instance shines an individual light on the liars. In Spencer’s lake-centric flashback, Jenna finally takes off her shades. “We get to see Jenna’s pretty blue eyes,” says Yasemin as Lacey laughs, adding: “They’re green.” Green or blue, the big takeaway here is that Jenna can see. But there’s hints of tension between Alison and Spencer as the former makes a cheap joke at Toby’s expense.

Hanna’s flashback makes her reflect on herself as she now chooses to be kind to those she once sat back and let Alison bully. This works in her favour when Lucas, known as Hermie by both Yasemin and Alison, offers to help her sell some designer bags now that Ashley has finally curtailed her expensive lifestyle. She’ll need all the cash she can get as it turns out your hosts aren’t the only ones to snag VIP tickets this episode. Thanks to Noel Kahn, Sean and Hanna are going to see the highly sought after Band of Horses. “They f*cking copied us here,” says Yasemin.

His invite is stringent on Aria’s attendance, however, who is the only one moping about the lack of Ezra this episode. “It’s been so blissful,” says Yasemin. In her lake flashback, Aria recalls Alison saying that Noel was perfect for her and decides it might be worth trying an unseasoned man. Emily’s flashback also centres around her love life. While past-Emily had to make do with queerbaiting Alison, present day Emily gets to enjoy a date with the fabulous Maya St Germain. Additionally, things continue to heat up between Ashley and Byron as they bond over being single. Byron is quick to point out, however, that he and Ella are only separated for now.

But the drama of this episode stems from Jason DiLaurentis, Alison’s older brother. None of the liars can remember much about him and it’s no surprise as your hosts note his actor is later changed, thus declaring this imposter “Not Jason” from here on out. Yasemin questions his age, saying that he looks more like a 35-year-old accountant than someone Melissa’s age as he’s supposed to be. She adds: “He just looks so old, why’s he in a suit?”

Throughout his appearance he steamrolls the liars’ work on the memorial, giving Jenna Marshall a spot to speak, terrorises Spencer with a lie Alison told him about her and manages to rile up Detective Wilden enough for him to reveal something vital about Alison’s case in front of a couple of teenagers. However, the biggest bomb of the episode comes at the end, after the memorial that nobody of note bothered to attend, when Jason gives the liars a gift.

Looking clean and relatively untouched, the bracelet he gives them is the real deal found on her body the night she died. But if this is Alison’s bracelet – what about the one in Spencer’s drawer? “It was a bit sus where they found it, but obviously you’re not going to think about that at the time,” Yasemin says. As the girls wonder about who might have planted it for them to see, the episode ends with a mysterious person smashing the memorial they worked so hard on.

 

Quotes

“I know it’s a memorial so maybe you don’t want it to be depressingly sad, but I just like the idea of the memorial’s opening and it’s like Shelly on the cello to I live for the applause, applause, applause!” – Lacey

“[Spencer’s] like don’t you ever get tired of shooting at the low hanging fruit, and I was like, again, who the f*k talks like this? I’m sorry. I don’t think I’ve ever said those words in my life. Would you not just say: Ali, why are you being such a b*tch?” – Yasemin

“[My yearbook] was Harry Potter themed and we were photoshopped into the great hall, and all of our heads were photoshopped onto Professor McGonagal, and I wish I could find it because it was so bad.” - Lacey

“Not that I have a chequebook, but what skills do you need for writing a cheque? Isn’t it just the name, the amount date, that’s it man.” – Yasemin.

“Then [Ashley] goes, you’ll do the same for me, neighbour. In what f*cking world are these two neighbours? Ashley Marin in her colonial style McMansion and the Montgomery’s in this weird folklore shack.

“Did they only just look at these phone records now? What were they doing the whole year? Just like sitting on their fingers?” – Yasemin.

 

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S01:E07 - Pretty Little Stalker

The seventh episode of Pretty Little Little Liars, titled ‘The Homecoming Hangover’, picks up right after homecoming, of course. Yasemin begins the episode talking about the last week’s cliffhanger ending that was “the best thing ever”. Perhaps another hangover is brewing as the podcast’s new drinking game makes a return. Lacey is overjoyed to see a ‘Go Sharks’ sign only one minute in, whilst Yasemin yet again remains sober for another episode. 

 

The opening scene is of Aria, Spencer and Hanna rightfully panicking, but Yasemin won’t give up a chance to mock them as they’re prancing around the school hallway looking for Emily. Clearly your hosts are not the ones to call when your tinder date turns out to be a potential murderer – “stop being dramatic” is probably not what you’d want to hear upon begging them to call the police. 

 

 Whilst talking about the horror vibes of the opening sequence, Yasemin ponders on more important things, like how Spencer is able to turn the lights on using a switch - “who has light switches in their school?”. Despite the chaos, your hosts continue to mock and laugh at the liars’ worry and fear. The girls eventually decide to do the smart thing and ring Emily, only to find her phone outside the chemistry lab where it’s obvious something bad has gone down. 

 

While the girls are rightly worried for their friends’ safety, Yasemin downplays the seriousness of it all: “It’s like the tiniest bit of blood okay, it’s not like a pool, it’s just like a little bit, you know someone’s been cut, someone isn’t bleeding to death.”   

 

Luckily Emily is alive, but unconscious, in the back of Toby’s car. Your stereotypically white hosts are obviously true crime enthusiasts and are quick to ponder the possibilities that await Emily. “Is he driving to chop her up?” asks Yasemin. To your hosts disappointment, that sort of gruesome stuff doesn’t occur until the later seasons of Pretty Little Liars and obviously Emily survives to be snubbed for favourite liar another week. To cheer her up, there’s a brand new Toyota Corolla in her driveway because of course she won the raffle. “Emily’s in bed, she’s back home already, so it clearly wasn’t that big of a deal” says Lacey, further supporting the fact that Emily is being overdramatic even though she was potentially with Ali’s murderer.  

Like normal friends, Aria and Spencer dish the dirt and tell Emily all about their findings in Toby’s file, whilst insinuating Toby was up to no good with his step sister - but is Jenna a victim here? Emily does not fall for Toby being the villain, pointing out that if he murdered Ali why didn’t he bother to kill her too? 

Your hosts treat you to short, but regular, renditions of a poorly done Southern American accent because clearly Pam Fields gives off that vibe. When Pam is questioned by the police, she gets a shock when the policeman lets slip just who Emily’s real date was to homecoming.  

Pam isn’t the only confused soul as Lacey is equally confused about when the school made a guest-list. Yasemin joins the confused party saying “why would you make a note of their date, would you not just make a note of the list of people who came, you wouldn’t say X came with X.” 

Pam defends Emily against accusations from the police officer that she might be keeping secrets, which makes your hosts fangirl over her even more - “Pam needs a spin off” says Yasemin and Lacey adds that it’s “the sitcom we didn’t know we needed, Good Ol’ Pam”. 

The liars grill Emily on what happened and after revealing she tripped, Aria is adamant Toby was more involved and wants her to go to the police. Spencer is also on the hate Toby train – in reality, she never left - wanting him to go down for murdering Ali and attempting to do the same to Emily (if only he hadn’t failed). Hanna finally shows up, bringing with her the very thing everyone is talking about - the file!  

 

Unlike Aria and Spencer, Hanna is a nice friend and attempts to lighten the mood, but Emily is too distracted by Toby’s file to care - until she remembers Hanna’s comment from homecoming about Maya and confronts her on her intentions. LGBTQ+ ally Hanna reassures Emily that she and the girls will always support her regardless of who she is interested in dating, which makes your hosts reflect on this sincere act of friendship.  

The Spencer and Melissa feud continues as Spencer tries to put the story straight for Alex after Melissa’s sneaky encounter with him at homecoming. After begging for what seems like an eternity, he agrees to a do-over date, but only if he is in control of E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G aka, Spencer's worst nightmare.  

This episode also sees Aria take her own relationship to the next level. Tired of Ezra being the only criminal, she follows in A’s footsteps and tries her hand at stalking. She starts small with a simple voice note - totally normal for a student to do this right? Or is Lacey’s interpretation of “psycho” more accurate? 

A mystery package gets Aria’s hopes up. She assumes that it must be from her one true love, Ezra Fitz, but it is in fact from another admirer thanking her for babysitting him at the homecoming. Disgust and disappointment quickly take over Aria’s face and your hosts are left questioning the thought process of this admirer “would you really spend money on flowers for that?     

Trouble is brewing all around the Montgomery house this episode. Ella ditches her son’s lacrosse game because her hatred for Byron is simply too much – of course, your hosts agree he’s the worst.  

 Meanwhile, Emily wakes up from a deep sleep into a nightmare as she is greeted by a barking German Shephard, Jenna Marshall in the doorway and good ol’ Pam holding a plate of cookies. Yasemin is utterly confused why Emily has a crowd watching her sleep, but Lacey clears things up explaining it was Jenna’s insistence that allowed Pam to accommodate such a strange activity. Jenna of course doesn’t care about Emily’s wellbeing, she is there to find out the tea on Toby’s whereabouts and the location of the infamous file.  

Later, Lucas’ crush on Hanna becomes clear as we see him zooming in on her 40-year-old’s updo in the pictures he took at homecoming. Clearly stalking is the theme of this episode. Sadly for Lucas, Sean is Hanna’s king and current boyfriend and it’s now Lucas’ job to take their pictures. But after being left alone the entire night, Sean is not in the mood to play along and Lucas doesn’t help the situation as he spends the entire time antagonising him.  

Pam tries to have an intervention with Emily about Toby, but what troubles Yasemin even more is Pam’s mention of Jenna’s “eye seeing dog” translated to guide dog for us Brits, “I’ve never even heard that before, I thought she was just taking the piss at first, but if that’s what they call them then… very literal”. 

The entrance of Byron into the episode instantly irks your hosts and for a millisecond they become Aria fans as she talks back to him in her sassy, disrespectful way, but this doesn’t last long as the intentions behind her conversation with Bryon are smelling a little too much like Ezra Fitz and she soon becomes her bratty self when accused of being too young to understand what her parents are going through. 

Whilst Emily is laid up in bed with a hurt wrist, Hanna puts her racing boots on and drives Aria and Spencer through the middle of nowhere to burn the file. A too-perfect picture of Emily lights up Hanna’s phone, forgotten in the car, and your hosts take a moment to show their true colours as they talk about the type of pictures they save for their friends in their contacts. It certainly isn’t as flawless as Shay Mitchell’s headshot. 

In a heated moment in the woods, Hanna ends up revealing her hobby for stealing and a verbal cat fight takes place between the three liars - ultimately ending in the file’s demise. Unfortunately, due to Emily’s wrist injury, her important text about the file following her conversation with Jenna, has been sent too late and once again your hosts are left in a confused state wondering how the timeline of this episode works, but Lacey comes up with a genius plot that might involve the return of the Southern American accent.  

Pam does eventually release her prisoner, uh, daughter but only to another institution known as Rosewood High. Here, despite her obviously very serious and life altering injuries, Emily is treated to a dirty look from Maya who acts like she doesn’t even know her having been humiliated when Emily took Toby to homecoming. 

It being a school day, our stalker *cough cough* sorry Aria, has the chance to check in on Ezra in his classroom, but she is instead greeted by a sub-teacher, which for any other normal teenager would be a good day, but for Aria, it’s the end of the world and it’s back to the drawing board to come up with a another way to hunt down Ezra Fitz. The sub-teacher, Miss Shephard isn’t your ordinary sub as hardcore PLL fan gives a little insight into the  

You’re treated to another sequence from your hosts as they try to put themselves in the shoes of Jenna Marshall, who is desperately trying to locate her locker, but being blind doesn’t make that an easy task as Yasemin sums up ‘how does she know where she is? How does she know that’s the right side of the lockers? There must be something on the other side to indicate like this isn’t the right side, it’s the other side.”  

 

Aria’s stalker vibes have rubbed off on Spencer too as she goes to call Alex’s bluff and checks on him at the Country Club, where she is surprised to actually find him there making fruit kebabs for some extra cash, which according to Lacey he so desperately needs as “he couldn’t afford caffeine if he tried”. Spencer’s lack of work experience rubs Lacey the wrong way as she is unable to wear a hairnet properly, but her social status doesn’t interfere with her ability to get down and dirty with Alex. 

Lucas has his first sexual experience as his little finger brushes against Hanna’s hand whilst watching a sexy video titled ‘Turkey on a Snowboard’. After such a vulnerable encounter, he feels comfortable enough to open up about Ali’s nickname for him, some of you might feel bad for Lucas, but Lacey is team Ali and calls her “a queen”! 

Lacey shows off her investigating skills when Spencer discovers the B*tch Board and sees that she has made the cut, but was it added by a worker or did someone anonymous put it there to cause conflict? Yasemin feels left out and attempts to add some investigative knowledge that might help, but Lacey is more skilled and puts the record straight. (Lacey is a bitch, clearly :P) 

More dysfunction for the Montgomerys as Ella and Byron are called to the school and Byron now feels like it’s the right time to step up and be a good parent figure. Obviously, your hosts are Team Ella all the way, so far that Yasemin suggests we should’ve been able to take a vote on who thinks Byron should stay - what would be your vote? 

Aria has put all the stops out this episode and gets an A+ for trying to find Ezra Fitz, but she might've taken this hunt a little too far. She’s gone to level 99 and is now outside Ezra’s flat, this is her last chance to find him and make sure he is alive. After no answer, she decides to go to level 100 and go full blown stalker and enters his flat with a hidden key, to a perfectly timed voicemail which potentially puts their relationship in jeopardy.  

Leaving Ezra’s flat deflated after that voicemail, Aria clings to the one thing that will make her happy which is a note left by Ezra in a novel he gave to her, as she’s touching his handwriting you are blessed with a musical number by your hosts which really showcases the atmosphere of the scene.  

In the final closing scene of this episode, Emily encounters a truck outside the Cavanaugh’s house which has a totaled motorbike on it, this could only mean one thing and to Hanna that means Toby’s dead, but this has not been confirmed. Spencer and Hanna have yet another verbal cat fight over Emily’s right to be emotional and an A text clears up some uncertainty about who is not A.  

 

 

 

Quotes 

“Little Mike, he interrupts them about his stupid lacrosse game that no one cares about.” - Yasemin [13m 57s] 

 

“I thought this was a bit strange, because Emily is sleeping and then Pam is like ‘oh so you’re awake’ well yes because there’s a f*cking dog barking in my face. Is she being serious? And why are they all just standing there?” - Yasemin [16m 06s] 

 

“You are the bad guy, you cheated hun. You’re automatically and forever will be the bad guy babes.” - Yasemin [27m 30s] 

 

“Jenna can’t go anywhere quietly, like if she doesn’t have her clicky-clacky, she’s walking down the lockers touching every bloody one and all you can hear is DUH DUH DUH DUH.” - Lacey [38m 26s] 

 

“He [Lucas] moves his finger and it touches her thumb and he acts like he thrusted it in her hole.” - Lacey [46m 32s]  

 

“But father of the year over here is like, I want to focus on the kids. Where was that attitude a year ago when you were banging a student?” - Lacey [53m 12s]  

  

 

 

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